Showing posts with label bournedale. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bournedale. Show all posts

Friday, June 24, 2016

So Many Nature Shots, You May Turn Against Nature And Kick A Puppy

S'up?


We're emptying our Photobucket onto this website in a blizzard of archives articles. Today, we're doing Nature. This is from the Cape Cod Canal.


Plus-size lobster, courtesy of my friend Tornado up in Maine.



 A baby coyote, from Widow's Walk golf course in Scituate.


Second pic in a row from my man Ghost, this is what I believe is a New London, NH snapping turtle.



A bear paw print (next to the author's size 15 Reebok footprint), White Cliffs Country Club, Cedarville MA, courtesy of Hacksaw and his baby sidekick, Roo.


A couple of ducks or something, Barnstable MA



Buzzards Bay Bluejay



5 rescue cats I took in, Mom (#6) not included. I'm no cat lady, I was doing an Adopt A Pet column for a Cape Cod newspaper, and they had new homes quickly enough. They were all given political names when I had them... Republicat is off to the right, as she's supposed to be. On the left, from bottom to top, are Democat, Romneycat, Obamacat (facing left, of course) and Puffy Cat. Puffy Cat was very puffy, so no other name was going to work. My neighbor, who is conservative, took Obamacat (so named because he has a big O in his flank fur) and renamed it something. Puffy Cat went to my friend's girlfriend, and Democat went to some high school girl that the guy who used to sell me my weed knew. I kept Republicat and her Mom, and Republicat was then renamed Bay Bay Cat.


Bruschi the Bulldog, who hails from Wareham.



Grazing Fields Farm, Bournedale MA



My good ol' Border Collie, the late Sloppy Dogg.


Mid-flight seagull, somewhere on Cape Cod



Powder Point, Duxbury MA



Ten year old picture of a seal sunning himself on Duxbury Beach... just in case the shark stories make you think that the seals are new arrivals.


The author and a Mako Shark he caught.... OK, the author and a Mako Shark that his more manly friend caught and brought into Green Harbor. I'd have slapped the shark once and let him go, personally.  I think the shark was sold to a company in Japan, they got like $500 for him.


I did almost catch these gooses, but they gave me the slip. One of the quirks of this website is that the proprietor prefers to say "gooses" rather than the less-cute "geese." 



If you shot them with a potato launcher, you'd have the makings of a pretty good meal here...


"Snake in the grass, I see ya comin'..... from a mile away, I start gunnin'....."


Having a Weymouth black cat cross your path on Halloween is about as bad luck as you can get...


...unless, of course, you end up having a black cat cross your path that same day while you are at the Lizzie Borden house. You people should appreciate the risks that I take to bring you this column.

Once Thanksgiving passes, the turkeys get all cocky and strut around in your yard.


A seagull fighting a nor'easter, Duxbury Beach MA


Horsing around, Middleboro MA


Plimoth Plantation





Saturday, June 18, 2016

The Bournedale Wall

Cape Cod is all about Welcome! We rely on our tourists, and go to great lengths to draw them in to us. Without visitors, we'd be in a mess of trouble. We white people were once visitors ourselves, and we may have perished without the hospitality of the incumbent residents.
There have been times, however, where we sought to limit that access. Granted, the visitors in question had a habit of killing both livestock and perhaps the occasional Pilgrim-era child. They also were rather noisy at night, especially when the moon shone brightly. You couldn't go out safely without a gun. Things got bad enough that we once considered building a fence, right here in Bourne.
That seems sort of Donald Trumpish, but we're not talking about Muslims, Mexicans or even a Mohegan. We're speaking about wolves. Pilgrims and Sachems may have viewed the wolf differently, but both would agree that life is generally much happier when a hungry one isn't walking around the neighborhood.
Man has only been on Cape Cod for a hot minute when compared with the overall natural history of the region, but our time here has seen us be Impact Players to the point where you can divide the whole of Cape Cod's natural history into two parts. One part would be Since Man Arrived, and the other would be Everything Else.
Wolves were chased off Cape Cod by the time of the Industrial Revolution. The chief culprit was Habitat Destruction, and they were also heavily hunted once the Europeans arrived. The native Americans lived in harmony with nature, but their English cousins cleared out the forests. The wolves were gone soon after. However, during the process, there was a period- almost two centuries- where it was not unusual to lose livestock to the Big Bad Wolf.
Massachusetts was not even remotely urban outside of some bustling villages for a while, and they were almost 100% dependent on localized farming and livestock raising. Wolves love themselves a good steak dinner if they can get it, and they don't really care if it hurts the people who are stealing their land. This set the stage for conflict.
A coyote, but a coyote that may be 25% wolf (Scituate, taken by Matthew Loveitt)

In 1713, the town of Eastham decreed that they would pay out 3 pounds for a wolf, payable when you show up at the constable's place with an adult wolf head. Since our little Cape wasn't the millionaire haven it is now, you know that anything worth a bounty was at least somewhat of a serious problem.

A person could make a fairly nice 1713 living by helping to rid the Cape of this toothy difficulty, if your definition of "nice" includes "hunting multiple apex predators in a dark, uncharted Algonquin forest with a single-shot-per-minute musket."

There were even bounties issued on individual wolves, with payment going to "any individual who shall kill the wolf who has of late been prowling through the township."
In 1717, the town of Sandwich came upon a unique idea. Why not build a fence to block Cape Cod off from wolves?
There are several famous walls, all built to keep something Bad out of (or in) a town. Hadrian's Wall was built to stop barbarians. The Great Wall of China was built to repel Mongols. The Berlin Wall was built to keep the Communists from leaving. Pink Floyd's "The Wall" made for a fine movie, but is completely unrelated to the topic.
The wall would have run roughly along the same path of the present Cape Cod Canal. I presume it would have been made of wood, and maybe stone. I don't know if they planned to extend it out into the ocean a bit, as a wolf who is determined to get to Hyannis Port can always swim out past the fence.
Whether this fence would hold up if the wolf huffed and puffed, we'll never know.
As near as I can tell, it would have started at Peaked Cliff (extreme north Sagamore Beach), worked along the line of the Herring River into and though Bournedale, before finishing up at Buttermilk Bay. Remember that the western/southern end of what is now the Canal was back then a swampy area where several small rivers emptied.
The Bournedale wolf wall was met with something less than enthusiasm by the townspeople, and the idea was shelved permanently. Aside from the obvious cost and effort, there was a sentiment about town that the wall, while keeping wolves out, would also keep wolves we already had in.
It was instead decided to wage an environmental holocaust, deforest an entire region, and chase the fauna into New Hampshire. Ironically, about 200 years later, they decided to instead dig a moat and float oil tankers and container vessels through the same area. The Cape Cod Canal had pretty much the exact effect that Sammich voters were asked to consider in 1717. The Canal became a stopping point for most animal migration, and it is fairly amazing that we somehow got a bear to Truro recently.
We may never get wolves again, although they are advancing south and east from Canada. Once they get to New Hampshire, it becomes only a matter of time before one of them ponders a swim across the Canal. Lesser predators such as fishers and coyote have already made the Hop.
In fact, the wolves may already be here. They got here via the ol' "gradually mate and hybridize (not real science kids, I just made the word up) and then come back disguised as coyote" trick. The local Eastern Coyote has a lot of Grey Wolf in his DNA. A study in Maine showed 22/100 coyotes studied had wolf DNA, with one "coyote" having 89% wolf DNA. 
The basic idea here is that, as wolves were chased from a region, they mated with coyote in the regions they fled to. Through kicking it as wolves and coyotes do, the hybridized DNA would spread through the coyote population. The resulting hybrid (a "coywolf") which is migrating back into Massachusetts is the basic current design of that coyote you see in your back yard. If you want to guess at how much Wolf DNA they have, look for pack behavior. Coyotes generally hunt in pairs, while wolf/coyotes work in larger groups.
Mother Nature, who is inexorable, tends to get the last laugh. She no doubt had a solid session watching us ponder and build fences and canals which in the end failed to keep the wild dogs away. 
Either way, it may make normally boring Bournedale a little more exciting if you know that it was almost a Checkpoint Charlie for Cape Cod wildlife.
"Ah-rooooooooooooooo!!"

Friday, June 3, 2016

Naming Post-Secession Mainland Cape Cod


When the traffic gets bad enough and pols start talking about making residents pay tolls to cross a theoretical third bridge, people who live in the mainland areas of Bourne and Sandwich start getting angry. When that anger boils up enough, you even hear talk of secession.

"We lost any financial benefits from Cape traffic in 1985. Start our own town, demand financial concessions from Cape Cod for the traffic, and dump both bridges into the Canal if the Cape says no" is the general tone of secession talk.

I'm not going to support the "dump the bridges" talk, as it is terrorism and might kill someone. I'm also not here to push Secession. It's a fun conversation piece, and it might get me some site visits, but I'm simply not the man with the answers you'd need if you wanted to get the movement going. I'm not sure how it would be done, nor am I sure if it is even a good idea.

I'll leave those questions for a future article, most likely one written in August when I just took 90 minutes to get through the Belmont Circle rotary. Instead, I will take on something that I am completely capable of doing... naming the post-secession town.

We're going to work from a fictional scenario where Buzzards Bay, Bournedale, Sagamore Beach and Scusset Beach have all broken away from Bourne, Sandwich and perhaps even whatever parts of Wareham and Plymouth (why not go for everything east of Red Brook and all of the Great Herring Pond area?) we could get our hands on.

The resultant bow-tie shaped town would need many things, but the main thing it would need is a name. We've kicked around a few, and we'll share some of them with you now. There's no ranking, even if the staff have their own personal favorites.


- Gridlock

"Gridlock" would be a form of protest. It would speak of the new town's plight, while concurrently scaring away tourists who would otherwise clutter up our roads. It would be easy to remember, it would gain us amazing name-recognition value, and might invite investment.

"Gridock" was chosen from among several staff suggestions for traffic-related town names, edging out equally awesome but less serious contenders such as "Jam City, Massachusetts, " "Road Rage, Massachusetts," "Slow Lane, Massachusetts" and "Bumper-to-Bumper, Massachusetts."

"Bumper-to-Bumper" would have a sort of Stratford-upon-Avon sound to it, and would pair us with "Manchester-by-the-Sea" as the only town names in the state with hyphens in them. We'd also join them as the only town names with Prepositions in them.


- Ripton

"Ripton" was the name of a fictional Berkshires town that an awesome western Massachusetts pol (Editor's note: it was a UMass-Amherst professor) invented. He was able to apply for grants, and even got Ripton included in the state budget. He did Ripton's work so well, he was able to obtain state funds for the fictional community. He gave the money back, as he was less interested in Fraud and more interested in pointing out that the state government lacks Western Massachusetts awareness.

Anyhow, my financial adviser- who I will admit up front is in jail at the moment- tells me that he's "pretty sure" that state funds were collected and set aside for Ripton, and that if a Ripton should suddenly appear, they would be owed both the original sum of money and any interest accrued since Ripton's 1980s inclusion in the state budget.


- Capeside

Not a lot of TV shows were set on Cape Cod and the Islands (I can only think of one other one, Wings), but one of the best was Dawson's Creek. I don't think that I saw enough DC to tell you what it was actually about, but it launched the careers of Katie Holmes, James Van Der Beek, Michelle Williams and that other kid.

If you were a child of the 1990s and didn't arc a few to Katie Holmes... nice restraint, brother.

The "Capeside" town scenes in Dawson's Creek were actually filmed in Wilmington, North Carolina, and any Massachusetts scenery used in the show was filmed in Oak Bluffs. However, why not steal the name? As you can see from the entries above and below this one in the article, it's not like we have any better ideas.

"Capeside" edges out several other fictional town names that we wished to steal from TV, movies or literature, including "Amity," "Crabapple Cove," "Dunwich, "Wallencamp," "Peyton Place," "Gotham City," "Atlantis," "Jerusalem's Lot," "Dudleyville" and "Quahog."


- Wutham

Pronounced what-ham, it would be a goof on neighboring Wareham. We'd spell it "Whatham," but we wish to avoid GPS errors with Waltham.

We'd need Marion to change their name to Whoham in order to complete the trinity.


- Sagamore

"Sagamore" is probably the logical choice, although it would be complicated in that the actual village of Sagamore is on the Cape side of the Canal.

We might have to name the town "Scusset Beach," which would force us to  negotiate something with what would most likely be a very hostile Sandwich town government.

The "Scusset Beach" thing would be unfair to the Buzzards Bay part of the new town, while a "Buzzards Bay" naming would be unfair to Sagamore Beach.


Shark City

Assuming that we are unable to cut a concession for traffic from Cape Cod, and assuming that we lack the testicular fortitude to destroy the Canal bridges.... well, not all fights are physical.

If we can't take the physical means of going to Cape Cod away, why not attack them through tourism?

There would be no way of driving a car to Cape Cod without going past the NOW ENTERING SHARK CITY signs which we would dot the highway with. I'd even post the population on town signs, and cross it out every time someone died... you know, like they do in bad towns from cowboy movies.

Sure, most of those deaths would be Old Age, Cancer and so forth....  but you won't be thinking that when you drive past the Shark City sign.


Double Bay

One thing that this fictional town would have on every other town in the state would be the fact that we would be the only town to touch two (Buzzards Bay and Cape Cod Bay) bays.

If you count Buttermilk Bay, we could even be Triple Bay.

This one is here mostly because it would make a great Casino name. If we stole enough of Wareham's eastern and Plymouth's southern forests, we could build a mega-casino right off the highway.

Shoot, I'd leave the bridges up at that point. Who wants to go to Taunton or friggin' Everett when you can instead gamble all night in Double Bay, and then dip over to Cape Cod for some daylight beach time?

Bowtie

"Bowtie" would be a play on the shape of the new town. Yes, it sucks.

Keeping the theme, but changing the shape.... this (and the Casino) would be a big motivator for the Wareham and Pymouth land grabs. If we seize the Ponds sections of Wareham and Plymouth, we'd be shaped like a mini-Connecticut.

Squanto

"Squanto" beats out "Samoset," "Metacomet," and "Massasoit" for Algonquin tribute purposes.

Squanto has the best Q Rating, and would be the best tourist-drawing name.

I don't know how we could do it, but maybe Johnny Depp or the Farrelly Brothers could be convinced to re-invent Squanto as an action hero. Maybe he goes all Seagal on invading Mi'kmaq, or perhaps he even kills a Sasquatch that was menacing Priscilla Alden. Squanto's story is an amazing one, but it needs more kung-fu and dinosaurs if he's getting his own town

Have Any Better Ideas? Let us know in the Comments...

Monday, March 21, 2016

Winter's Last Snow? Pictures And Snowfall Totals

Cedarville

MASSACHUSETTS

...BARNSTABLE COUNTY...
   BUZZARDS BAY           2.7   930 AM  3/21  SPOTTER              
   EAST SANDWICH          1.8   500 AM  3/21  NWS EMPLOYEE          
   EAST FALMOUTH          1.5   703 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   HYANNIS                1.5   730 AM  3/21  MEDIA                
   WOODS HOLE             1.0   600 AM  3/21  CO OP OBSERVER        
   CHATHAM                1.0   800 AM  3/21  CO OP OBSERVER        
   CENTERVILLE            1.0   600 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   SOUTH SAGAMORE         1.0   619 AM  3/21  HAM RADIO            
   FALMOUTH               0.5   725 AM  3/21  HAM RADIO          


Aimed At Sandwich

...BRISTOL COUNTY...
   REHOBOTH               3.9   905 AM  3/21  NWS EMPLOYEE          
   NORTON                 3.6   700 AM  3/21  CO OP OBSERVER        
   DIGHTON                3.5   928 AM  3/21  NWS EMPLOYEE          
   TAUNTON                3.5   700 AM  3/21  NWS OFFICE            
   SWANSEA                3.2   950 AM  3/21  SPOTTER              
   FALL RIVER             3.0   915 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   MANSFIELD              2.5   738 AM  3/21  TRAINED SPOTTER      
   NEW BEDFORD            2.0   511 AM  3/21  AMATEUR RADIO        
   ACUSHNET               1.8   620 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   NORTH ATLEBORO         1.7   840 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   FAIRHAVEN              1.5   625 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   WEST ACUSHNET          1.5   642 AM  3/21  HAM RADIO        

Plymouth, The White Cliffs... lol
 

...DUKES COUNTY...
   WEST TISBURY           1.3   629 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   EDGARTOWN              1.0   900 AM  3/21  CO OP OBSERVER    

Bournedale
...NORFOLK COUNTY...
   MILLIS                 4.5   900 AM  3/21  SPOTTER              
   DOVER                  4.0   815 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   BRAINTREE              4.0   522 AM  3/21  AMATEUR RADIO        
   FOXBORO                3.2   815 AM  3/21  NWS EMPLOYEE          
   MILTON                 3.2   830 AM  3/21  BLUE HILL OBSERVATORY
   SHARON                 3.0   839 AM  3/21  HAM RADIO            
   FRANKLIN               3.0   700 AM  3/21  CO OP OBSERVER        
   NORWOOD                2.7   736 AM  3/21  NWS EMPLOYEE          
   WALPOLE                2.6   737 AM  3/21  HAM RADIO            
   NORTH WEYMOUTH         2.5   638 AM  3/21  TRAINED SPOTTER      
   FOXBOROUGH             2.5   716 AM  3/21  HAM RADIO            
   RANDOLPH               2.5   545 AM  3/21  TRAINED SPOTTER      
   BROOKLINE              2.4   845 AM  3/21  HAM RADIO            
   WRENTHAM               2.2   811 AM  3/21  NONE                


Sagamore Heights

...PLYMOUTH COUNTY...
   WHITMAN                5.3   957 AM  3/21  TRAINED SPOTTER      
   HANOVER                5.0   534 AM  3/21  GENERAL PUBLIC        
   N. SCITUATE            4.8   657 AM  3/21  MEDIA                
   BRIDGEWATER            4.0   700 AM  3/21  CO OP OBSERVER        
   ROCKLAND               4.0   720 AM  3/21  SPOTTER              
   WAREHAM                4.0   933 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   HINGHAM                3.6   928 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   MIDDLEBORO             3.0   700 AM  3/21  CO OP OBSERVER        
   KINGSTON               2.5   731 AM  3/21  TRAINED SPOTTER      
   CATERVILLE             2.5   908 AM  3/21  NONE                  
   PLYMOUTH               2.0   524 AM  3/21  AMATEUR RADIO        
   DUXBURY                2.0   721 AM  3/21  HAM RADIO            
   WEST WAREHAM           2.0   745 AM  3/21  TRAINED SPOTTER      
   ROCHESTER              0.7   800 AM  3/21  CO OP OBSERVER        

Cape Cod Canal

I'm hardcore enough that I got in 18 holes today at White Cliffs. I also golfed.

Sammich

Scusset Beach jetty

Inland Cedarville


Spring's comin'....

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

For Whom The Bridge Tolls: Thoughts On A New Cape Cod Canal Bridge


Let's start with some numbers:

Bourne Bridge
Year round daily average (2011) = 42,505 vehicles
Summer daily average = 58,467

Sagamore Bridge
Year round daily average = 51,489
Summer daily average = 70,674

Those numbers lead to impassable traffic jams, jams where ten mile drives take 3 hours.

You've all heard the war stories. "25 mile backups during Hurricane Bob," or "90 minutes from the the 6A/130 intersection to the Sagamore Bridge during the Mother's Day Massacre of 2012."

Bourne residents literally can't go anywhere and hope to come back on Friday afternoons, Saturday/Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, during the Monday commute, and/or during any holiday/event.

Emergency evacuation is impossible, property values suffer, the quality of life is lowered, and the last sentence of the previous paragraph is literally saying "as a Bourne resident, you sacrifice a sizable % of your waking life to traffic."

This would be tolerable in Boston, where there are a million people zipping about. It shouldn't be the case in Buzzards Bay, where 3000 souls can be found on any given day. It makes me want to scream at someone more than I care to admit.



Here's how I see it....

* We need a third bridge.

* We need a third road leading up to and away from that bridge.

* If we want it, we'll have to pay for it.

* We'll pay for it with a toll bridge.

* The tolls will be there forever, even after the bridge is paid off.

* Prices will increase as businesses pass the toll costs onto the consumers.

* We shall eventually pay billions for a $300 million bridge.

* Splitting traffic up at the Christmas Tree Shop and then merging it back together 400 yards across the Canal will not resolve our traffic problems. It may in fact make it worse.

* The bridge will not meet the stated goal of easing traffic volume at all, and it serves no other purpose.

* We'll pay for this useless bridge for the rest of our lives and the lives of our descendants.

* If we don't do something, this nightmare is imminent.

* It seems to have fallen to me to brainstorm something.



I'm not picking on MA State Rep. Randy Hunt or Cape Cod Commission CEO Wendy Northcross there. Randy is obviously putting thought and effort into the problem, and Wendy answered almost everything I asked her about the topic. They just don't seem to see the basic problems inherent in this situation, or they feel that the problems are tenable and/or unavoidable.

Pols are sort of bound by what they think they can sell in Washington or the State House. They know they will have to claw through miles of red tape to even get the idea mentioned. They know that there will be many hands reaching into our pockets once the project gets green-lighted, especially with a Massachusetts highway project.

All of that real world stuff gets them used to operating in a way that somehow prohibits Thinking Big.

The intricate solution is beyond my capabilities. If I showed any Urban Planning skill in high school, a series of guidance counselors failed to mention it to me. However, the basic philosophy on what we need to do is well within my skill set. You'll see it, too.

The toll will generate billions in revenue, without reducing traffic at all. It is almost punitive. Only someone with a financial stake in a road-construction industry or highway management can like the idea. Any politician who supports it should be chased through the streets by a mob of angry constituents, and perhaps be kicked in the ribs a bunch of times.

If we and our tourists are going to spend billions over the life of a toll bridge, we should at least get what we pay for.



50,000 cars a day times $5 a pop = $250,000 a day in toll revenue.

Let's lower the toll rate so that I can just say "a million a week" and "maybe $5 a car is a doomsday estimate" without stretching the truth too far.

300 weeks pays off the project. 300 weeks is like, uhm, 6 years or something.

But the toll will last forever.

Heck, we'll even throw in a decade or two to cover any/all maintenance costs, and a third decade to cover the eventual replace-the-old-Sagamore-Bridge costs. Over an assumed 100 year lifespan of the bridge, this still has the Man needlessly in your pocket for 65 years.

The only way for us to get any value out of this is if our project is so massive, it takes a century of tolls to pay for it.


Off the top of my head, I'd drop a third bridge right in the middle of the other two. I would gut Bournedale with roads connecting to Route 25 and Route 3, seizing Bournedale Road and Herring Pond Road by Eminent Domain if need be. I'd make the road into a big Y, with the bottom part of the Y being the third bridge.

I'd do an upside down version on the other side of the bridge, after taking some land from the gub'mint. The forks of the letter can sort of ^ towards Route 28 and Route 6 through the military base.

Shoot, why not build it in such a way that we can line it with Burger Kings, Cumberland Farms and Exxons? I have never met a local economy that couldn't use a rush of jobs. Perhaps even a Bournedale Mall would not be out of the question.

It would actually solve the problem that Main Street in Buzzards Bay has had since the freeway went in. Route 25 cut off our Tourist Flow, so we get back at Route 25 by cutting into it to run those same tourists by our businesses again. Main Street could slowly re-design itself to suit more immediate local needs, which it is sort of doing now anyhow.

There would be some ugliness to They Tore Down The Carter Beal Nature Preserve And Put Up A Gas Station With A Dunkin' Donuts In It, no doubt. We could mute the environmental damage by building an elaborate Arc de Triomphe bridge over the herring run in Bournedale.

I'd also go with a wrap-around fishing pier along the bottom of the bridges, and light all of the bridges up like they do with the Zakim Bridge. I'd celebrate the opening with a party so huge and chaotic, it would make V-J Day look like someone just won a Scrabble game.

It's being paid for... why not?


Hold on, someone did the map better than I did.



In my world of the future, we now have a third bridge. It is fed by roads which break off from highways which are already in place. The roads break off at the exact points (the Ingersoll Bend and Herring Pond Road) where we currently begin our present bumper-to-bumper congestion. We strike at the areas with the lowest population densities, mostly swamp and wasteland. Anyone we displace is compensated handsomely.

Locals can still use Main Street, Sandwich Road, the Cranberry Highway, the Scenic Highway and 6A for local-type stuff, which leads us to the best part. Before I get to that best part, I'd like to add that this plan would probably allow us to get rid of the two Bourne Bridge rotaries, and just have intersections like normal towns do.

The best part? The third bridge would be almost 100% Tourist. The current bridges feed the Bourne villages, while this hypothetical third bridge would empty into a discontinued military base and some Bournedale swampland. It would be of little use to locals, and it would only be used by tourists.

And it is this bridge that would bear the dreaded Toll. Holler if you hear me.



Now we have the burden where it should be. Tourists can pay for their own bridge. Smarter hotels and tourist destinations can comp guests for the toll. Bourne residents have suffered for years to fill Harwich restaurants with tourists, so cry me a river, Mooncussers.

Bourne and perhaps Sandwich residents will be exempt from any tolls, of course. We've been tolled in Traffic Patience for the last 100 years. F*** you.

The toll bridge can also be used by the rich man to skip heavier traffic at the free bridges via a small shedding of excess wealth, as the new bridge would sport a very low traffic volume for most of the week.  A five dollar toll for an empty bridge may also be an acceptable and necessary luxury to a working stiff who is running late for work on an important day.

We may have to somehow divert traffic to the toll bridge on certain Touristy days while preserving the free bridges for local traffic, and perhaps even invest in some of that Urban Warfare stuff that the cops get in larger cities where the people riot a lot. Maybe we can borrow some tanks from the military base.

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, if you'll pardon the pun.