9/20 1:00 ET At Carolina -3 Houston 39.5
MC Mallett (comes in at 0:25) takes over in Texas, with predictable results.
Carolina, 20-10
9/20 1:00 ET At New Orleans -9.5 Tampa Bay 47
Tampa had about 40 points put up on them by the QB they passed over in the draft to get a guy named Jameis.
NO, 41-14
9/20 1:00 ET At Pittsburgh -6.5 San Francisco 45.5
San Francsco ran right over Minnesota, which is sort of disppointing because I went to (Teddy) Bridgewater State University and want to get one of his jerseys instead of the uglier BSU one. I don't want to get his jersey if he's inept.
Pittsburgh, 28-20
9/20 1:00 ET At Minnesota -2 Detroit 43.5
I already used my BSU line, so we'll just point out here that the last RB to play Minny ran for 160 yards and 2 TDs. I'm sure that Detroit has factored this into the old game plan.
Detroit, 24-21
9/20 1:00 ET At Buffalo PK New England 44.5
Not related, but the last Pick 'Em tip I got for a game ended with me watching Bourne go down 42-0 last Friday. Fortunately, I don't bet on high school football any more... very often.... in large sums.
New England 24-21
9/20 1:00 ET Arizona -2 At Chicago 46
I like Chicago for absolutely no logical reason at all.
Chicago, 21-17
9/20 1:00 ET Tennessee -1.5 At Cleveland 41.5
Everyone hates Johnny Football, but I'm rooting for him. I want him to win without giving up his evil ways. "Weird heroes and mould-breaking champions exist as living proof to those who need it that the tyranny of 'the rat race' is not yet final.”
Cleveland, 24-18
9/20 1:00 ET At Cincinnati -3 San Diego 47
I've been writing about the NFL for 12 years now, an I still have to double-check when I spell "Cincinnati." Just did it right there, you see. I also can not memorize the spelling of "Apponequet," but that only matters when I write the high school columns.
Cincy, 28-24
9/20 1:00 ET St. Louis -3 At Washington 41
The last time these two teams played, the Rams sent out every guy they got in the RGIII trade for the coin flip. It was like 8 guys. RGIII's job this week is to make sure that no one steals the bench by holding it down with his ass.
St. Louis, 24-3
9/20 1:00 ET At NY Giants -2.5 Atlanta 51
The best pass rusher in NY has like 2 fingers on his dominant hand, so what's not to like?
Atlanta, 31-24
9/20 4:05 ET Baltimore -6.5 At Oakland 43
I want a cigarette every time I say "Joe Flacco" for some reason.
Baltimore, 30-10
9/20 4:05 ET Miami -5.5 At Jacksonville 41.5
Only warriors in the Amazon- none of whom I can contact, and none of whom follow the NFL- can tell you if a Dolphin or a Jaguar would win in a fight. Unrelated: Why doesn't the car company pay Jacksonville to use their car logo on the football helmet?
Miami, 24-14
9/20 4:25 ET At Philadelphia -5 Dallas 55
Dez breaking his foot doomed like 5 of my fantasy teams in Week 1.
Philly, 35-21
9/20 8:30 ET At Green Bay -3.5 Seattle 49
Jordy Nelson doomed the other 5.
Seattle, 20-19
Monday Night Football Line
9/21 8:30 ET At Indianapolis -7 NY Jets 47
Indy looked butter-soft last week, but NY looks weak pretty much all the time.
Indy, 31-20
FANTASY
We took an L last week, although it would have been closer if DeSean Jackson didn't tap out of the game after one friggin play. Our other WRs combined to score 5 points. Those same guys are starting this week, because Alshon Jeffery is taking the day off as well. Andre Johnson will be on Revis Island, too. We do have Chris Johnson, unemployed a few months ago, rising up into the flex spot.
CJ2K is a gut call, as my other options are Bishop Sankey (may have had his one good game of the year already) aand LeGarrette Blount (first game back after suspension).
I'm up 20-11, as my defense put up 20 on KC, while his WR1 (Thomas) got 11 points.
Magnanimous Sunni Chieftans
QB Andrew Luck
RB Marshawn Lynch
RB Joseph Randle
WR Andre Johnson
WR Anquan Bolden
TE Duane Allen
FX Chris Johnson
D/S Denver Broncos
K Steven Hauschka
Our honorable opponents, Deez Nutzzzz:
QB Russell Wilson
RB Adrian Peterson
RB Alfred Morris
WR Demaryius Thomas
WR Brandon Marshall
TE Greg Olsen
FX DeAngelo Williams
D/S Houston Texans
K Stephen Gostkowski
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