We have the #4 pick out of a ten team snake draft.
Here's who we get:
#4) Jamaal Charles RB, Kansas City
It never hurts to have an Islam-friendly guy on the team, just in case the western world is wrong about that whole Christianity thing. Religion plays a role in my fantasy drafting... I almost took Gronk here, as I sometimes think he is God.
#17) Andrew Luck, QB, Indianapolis
If I don't get a QB early, the ADHD kicks in (Look! A rabbit!), I forget to draft one, and I end up with Alex Smith and Johnny Football. It also never hurts to have Luck, especially if he throws 40 TDs again.
#24) A.J. Green, WR, Cincinnati
I almost took Shady McCoy here, but I like to get a good Q/R/W haul from my top 3 picks. I watch a lot of WWE, and sometimes refer to him as "A.J. Lee," especially when he has a bad game.
#37) Alfred Morris, RB, Washington
I honestly don't know what else they can do with the goddamned ball other than give it to this guy.
#44) Carlos Hyde, RB, San Francisco
If steroids were legal, it'd be cool if, for 6 days a week, Carlos was actually known as mild-mannered chemist Carlos Jekyll or however they spell that... but, on gameday, he takes this very special potion and runs for 3 TDs, piles up two centuries of yardage, and carries off the head cheerleader.
#57) Andre Johnson, WR, Indianapolis
Andre is either on the downside of his career,or is about to be rejuvenated by playing with Andrew Luck. Perhaps he can have breakfast with Mr. Hyde (see pick #44) on gameday. "If we don't throw to him, he starts tackling defenders for no reason."
# 64) DaVante Adams, WR, Green Bay
I almost took him at #57, but he has the same Bye week as AJ
#77) LeGarrette Blount, RB, New England
I like getting a pot guy, it leads to a more mellow team than drafting one of those make-it-rain nightclub guys.
#84) Brandon Marshall, WR, NY Jets
He'd probably be drafted lower if his nominal starting QB didn't get his jaw broken, a rare thing to see in the NFL.
#97, Denver Broncos, D/ST
Defenses are odd ducks. Aside from the Seahwaks D, this is the only high-ranked defense who I expect to see winning most or even half of their games.
#104) Duane Allen, TE, Indianapolis
I'm not saying that Duane is fragile, but historians tell me that the Greek warrior Achilles referred to the tendon in his heel as his "Duane Allen Heel."
#117) Alfred Blue, RB, Houston
It never hurts to have the guy who plays if Arian Foster is injured. Also fills the valuable role of "guy I cut during the D/ST bye week."
#124) Matthew Stafford, QB, Detroit
He's sort of like the Vice President, in that he's only starting if there is a great tragedy.
#137) Brandon McManus, K, Denver
If this guy gets cut in midseason (and Denver does that), this is a bad pick, but I like high-altitude kickers.
#144) Josh Hill, TE, New Orleans
You need to have a white guy for the QB to hang around with, or else he starts hanging around with the kicker and gets all wimmpy.
#157) DeVante Parker, WR, Miami
You need a DeVante for DaVante to hang around with, or else everyone makes fun of him for his goofy name.
WEEK ONE:
QB Andrew Luck
RB Jamaal Charles
RB Alfred Morris
WR AJ Green
WR Andre Johnson
WR DaVante Adams
TE Duane Allen
D/ST Denver
K Brandon McManus
We had some trouble deciding between Morris and Hyde at RB2, and between Hyde/Adams/Johnson at the Flex.
Our Opponent, Suzette Perry, and I don't feel badly about playing a girl because Stacey is on our fantasy football staff:
QB Matt Ryan, Atl QB
Phi
Mon 6:55 --
RB Adrian Peterson, Min RB
@SF
Mon 10:15 --
RB Justin Forsett, Bal RB
@Den
Sun 4:25 --
WR Demaryius Thomas, Den WR
Bal
Sun 4:25 --
WR Julio Jones, Atl WR
Phi
Mon 6:55 --
TE Travis Kelce, KC TE P
@Hou
Sun 1:00 --
FLEX Jordan Matthews, Phi WR
@Atl
Mon 6:55 --
D/ST Patriots D/ST D/ST
Pit
W 28-21 0
K Matt Bryant, Atl K
Phi
Mon 6:55 --
Our pics against the odds, and you know we took the Pats last Thursday:
Date & Time Favorite Line Underdog Total
9/13 1:00 ET Green Bay -6.5 At Chicago 48.5
Green Bay, 38-14
9/13 1:00 ET Kansas City -1 At Houston 41
KC, 17-14
9/13 1:00 ET At NY Jets -3.5 Cleveland 39
NYJ, 13-10
9/13 1:00 ET Indianapolis -1.5 At Buffalo 44.5
Indianapolis, 37-24
9/13 1:00 ET Miami -3.5 At Washington 45.5
Miami, 20-14
9/13 1:00 ET Carolina -3 At Jacksonville 40.5
Carolina, 20-10
9/13 1:00 ET Seattle -3.5 At St. Louis 41
Seattle, 28-7
9/13 4:05 ET At Arizona -2.5 New Orleans 48
New Orleans, 28-24
9/13 4:05 ET At San Diego -3.5 Detroit 45.5
Detroit, 28-27
9/13 4:25 ET At Tampa Bay -3 Tennessee 41
Tampa Bay, 21-14
9/13 4:25 ET Cincinnati -3 At Oakland 43
Cincy, 24-3
9/13 4:25 ET At Denver -4.5 Baltimore 47
Denver, 37-17
9/13 8:30 ET At Dallas -6.5 NY Giants 52
Dallas, 35-28
Monday Night Football Line
9/14 7:10 ET Philadelphia -3 At Atlanta 55
Philadelphia, 41-21
9/14 10:20 ET Minnesota -2.5 At San Francisco 41.5
San Francisco, 17-14
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