Suburban Exploration: Plymouth/Bourne

Gooses (hehe), and Bay Bay Gooses, hanging around the Bournedale herring run.

I don't know how many geese make up a gander, so I use the less-definable "Gooses," which I picked up from a 4 year old.

I was going to chase this turkey up the driveway for a better shot, but "Cranberry County Magazine" isn't an impressive enough publication to avoid being shot by a vigilant homeowner.

Once we got up to the waterfront in Plymouth, our subjects were more willing to stay still. These guys just bobbed a bit.

The benefits of Roof Sailing are that you never get wet, you never get seasick and the sail is more for show than anything else.

Personal Use Lighthouse, off Route 3A

Just in case you thought we were in Duxbury Harbor, straight frontin' on you.... Duxbury was founded in 1637.

I'm so g*ddamned 'Merica, I shot the flag and Plymouth Rock like bang-bang.

Long Beach (in background) seems very small and lightly-populated for something that Snoop Dogg sings about so much. 

Lunch at Mamma Mia, ravioli! I ate so much, it hurt.

The cops got a little strange when I anchored my car to the street with this... OK, maybe I was the strange one.

...or not

The Massachusetts Maritime Academy uses Great Herring Pond for skipper training. They do a lot of slalom sailing on a pond before they let you get your hands on one of the Big Boys.

Cranberry County Magazine's NFL Mock Draft

It's time once again for the Cranberry County Magazine NFL Mock Draft! The real draft is going down soon, so we're here to help you with the process.

We're linking to the DC Pro Sports Mock Draft Database.

Our panel of experts (Stephen, Stacey, Abdullah, Jessica, Cranberry Jones) split the teams up between them, loaded up on Marylou's Coffee, locked themselves away, created a cloud of smoke and went to draft-war against each other.

We're only going 3 rounds, mostly because the bottom falls out of the Patriots' draft after that. We also have only-so-many jokes about large men pushing each other about.

If you only care about the Pats and want to skip down and find out who we think they'll be adding to the squad next year, scroll down to Round 2 and Round 3 (60, 61, 90, 96). That should be easy enough for you, slacker!

The fact that no NFL expert of any sort has noted that we regularly kick Mel Kiper's ass all over God's jolly green earth should not deter you from accepting this mock draft as absolute football Gospel. If the actual real draft goes differently than what we tell you here, it means that They f*cked up and not Us... with the exception of Belichick, of course.

Round 1

1. Los Angeles Rams (from Tennessee Titans)... Jared Goff, QB

If, in a few years, you see California sports pages with jokes like "They've developed a really bad Goff" or "retired, now playing Goff," this pick may have just doomed football in Los Angeles.


2. Philadelphia Eagles (from Cleveland Browns)... Carson Wentz, QB

This pick was looking very Cleveland, i.e. "Well, Johnny Football blew up in our faces, let's draft this big stiff out of Somewhere Dakota State." I was kinda shocked to see the Brow pick up a king's ransom instead. The "gaggle of picks for one guy" trades usually work out for the gaggle-of-picks guys. Again, if headlines in the future ask "I wonder where Carson Wentz," I wouldn't want to be in Philadelphia.


3. San Diego Chargers...  Jalen Ramsey, DB

An OT would be nice, but they seem to think they're All Set there. If that's the case, we'll shore up their secondary.


4. Dallas Cowboys... Ezekiel Elliot, RB

Tony Romo will have a hard time getting injured if he's handing the ball to this guy often enough. I may have missed them adding someone, but sans Ezekiel, they have a Darren McFadden/Alfred Morris tandem.


5. Jacksonville Jaguars... Myles Jack, LB

They have a few holes to fill in New Jack City, but "Jack, from Jacksonville" has a nice ring to it.


6. Baltimore Ravens... Laremy Tunsil, OT

A potentially great left tackle drops into their laps. He'll make sure that No Whacko smokes Joe Flacco like Toe-Bacco.


7. San Francisco 49ers... DeForest Buckner, DE

At 6'7", even if he can't get sacks, the other teams' QBs will probably have 3-6 passes a game deflected by his head if he's positioned well.


8. Cleveland Browns (from Philadelphia Eagles, Miami Dolphins)... Corey Coleman, WR

Philly climbed through this team to get a QB. Cleveland trades away the chance to get a QB so that, once the dust settles, they end up getting a fine guy for their non-existent QB to throw to.


9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers... Joey Bosa, DE

"Joey Bosa" sounds like the guy who comes looking for you if you f*ck up a loan and fail to pay off a certain influential Sicilian businessman.


10. New York Giants... Ronnie Stanley, OT

"Two Manning brothers with neck injuries," sounds just fine and dandy to me, but I'm not running the Giants.


11. Chicago Bears... Vernon Hargreaves, CB

They have some prominent QBs throwing on them twice a season, so they could use some talent in the secondary.


12. New Orleans Saints... Shaq Lawson, DE

LSU did OK with the Shaq that they had, so we'll see if the Shaq Effect carries over to the pros.


13. Miami Dolphins (from Philadelphia Eagles).... Jack Conklin, OL

They have a hole at Guard, as well as a potential hole behind fragile OT Brandon Albert.


14. Oakland Raiders... William Jackson, CB

If you don't look like a good bet to score many points against Denver, you may as well try to keep Denver from scoring points. Make it all come down to a field goal, the little kicker people make the potential European viewers happy.


15. Tennessee Titans (from Los Angeles Rams).... Taylor Decker, OT

This would give them bookend Taylors on the offensive line.


16. Detroit Lions... Sheldon Rankins, DT

They let two first-round DTs go last year, and it made them soft in the middle.


17. Atlanta Falcons... Leonard Floyd, LB

They get a Georgia kid, which will please the local yokels.


18. Indianapolis Colts... Jarran Reed, DT

Indy was, is, and may always be the easy whore of Mister Touchdown, U.S.A for all of eternity. Jarran Reed at least won't be easy.


19. Buffalo Bills... Reggie Ragland, LB

He's a good name to know if you get a lot of Rs and Gs from a Scrabble bag.


20. New York Jets... Paxton Lynch... QB

I wonder what Sam Bradford costs?


21. Washington Redskins... Chris Jones, DL

It never hurts to build along the lines.


22. Houston Texans... Andrew Billings, DT

They could use a better guy up front with Vin and JJ. I'd bet that JJ would enjoy mentoring the young fellow.


23. Minnesota Vikings... Josh Doctson, WR

I went to Bridgewater State, and was going to buy a BSU jersey for all of those games I don't go to. However, a Bridgewater jersey from the Vikings would be cool to show up in. My boy needs someone to throw to, though.


24. Cincinnati Bengals... Sterling Shephard, WR

They take him because there isn't a player named "Stop Taking Stupid Penalties In Playoff Games."


25. Pittsburgh Steelers... Vernon Butler, NT

The Patriots dominated the NFL with #1 picks on the front end of  3-4 defense, why wouldn't it work in Pennsylvania?


26. Seattle Seahawks... Ryan Kelly, C

They traded away their center to get Jimmy Graham last year, and they try to wipe that mark off the board with this pick.


27. Green Bay Packers... A'Shawn Robinson, DL

A run-stopper never hurts in a division with AP.


28. Kansas City Chiefs... Will Fuller, WR

They need people to catch the ball, and even a short-throw QB needs a speed guy. Shoot, even I can throw it 20 yards, and if this dude is fast enough, he should be all alone after 20 yards.


29. New England Patriots (Forfeited)

Grrrrr....


29. Arizona Cardinals... Eli Apple, CB

They stole our pick! Well, not really...


30. Carolina Panthers... Germain Ifedi, OT

Unless I was trippin' balls during what I thought was the Super Bowl, Carolina needs help on the OL.


31. Denver Broncos... MacKenzie Alexander, CB

It never hurts to be covered in the event of an Aqib Talib injury.

Round 2

1 (32). Cleveland Browns... Darron Lee, LB

If he gets a back injury, they can play it like Bewitched and just find another Darron somewhere.


2 (33). Tennessee Titans... LaQuon Treadwell, WR

"Ole Miss" sounds like what you'd call an elderly neighbor when you are beyond the range of her hearing aid.


3 (34). Dallas Cowboys... Jaylon Smith, LB

"Jaylon" would rhyme with "Whale On" with a Texas accent.


4 (35). San Diego Chargers...  Noah Spence, LB

He can make two separate tackles at the same time if the ball carriers are of the same species.


5 (36). Baltimore Ravens... Rashard Higgins, WR

They may as well groom a WR, seeing as Steve Smith is nearing 50.


6 (37). San Francisco 49ers... Pharoh Cooper, WR

"Pharoh" is my favorite name in the draft so far, although we may work a "Scooby" into the top 100.


7 (38). Jacksonville Jaguars... Cyrus Jones, CB

"Cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn you dig it????"


8 (39). Tampa Bay Buccaneers... Robert Nkemdiche, DL

pronounced "Nkemdiche."


9 (40). New York Giants... Kevin Dodd, DE

If he has all ten of his fingers, that's a plus.


10 (41). Chicago Bears... Hunter Henry, TE

Their best TE plays for New England, so they may want to look into the position on Day 2.


11 (42). Miami Dolphins... Kenneth Dixon, RB

Miami has a giant hole in the backfield, and they can just truck this kid over from LSU.


12 (43). Tennessee Titans (from Los Angeles Rams, Philadelphia Eagles)... Kalan Reed, CB

TT gathers up some booty from the #1 overall pick.


13 (44). Oakland Raiders... Shilique Calhoun, DE

This gives them a Khalid and a Shilique on the edges, something you don't see at Duxbury High School many years.


14 (45). Tennessee Titans (from Los Angeles Rams)... Nick Martin, C

If you took a QB at #2 overall like TT did last year, you want to give him 1) a LT to watch his back (check), a WR to throw to (check), and a guy to hike the ball to him (check). They took the cornerback to keep the defense guys from complaining.


15 (46). Detroit Lions... Leonte Carroo, WR

There will never be another Calvin Johnson, but there probably aren't a lot of guys named Leonte Carroo walking around, either.


16 (47). New Orleans Saints... Sheldon Day, DL

If the whole football thing doesn't work out for Sheldon, they can always use him to plug a hole in a levee.


17 (48). Indianapolis Colts... Joe Schobert, LB

You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry... why? Joe Schobert is comin' to town.


18 (49). Buffalo Bills... Cody Whitehair, OG

Buffalo needs a young OL guy for Richie Incognito to bully.


19 (50). Atlanta Falcons... Michael Thomas, WR

Matty Ice needs some more people to throw to.


20 (51). New York Jets... Jason Spriggs, OT

He's a project, but they'll probably let him learn on the job while the future QB learns from the safety of the bench.


21 (52). Houston Texans... Joe Dahl, OL

He could be a tackle, a guard or even a center.



22 (53). Washington Redskins... Paul Perkins, RB

Better call Paul!



23 (54). Minnesota Vikings... Emmanuel Ogbah, DE

His last name looks like "bog" spoken by someone who doesn't 100% understand Pig Latin.



24 (55). Cincinnati Bengals... Austin Johnson, DL 

It never hurts, when you get into the business of drafting large men, to get one who is named after a city.



25 (56). Seattle Seahawks...  Johnathan Bullard, DT

DT is a job on the field where it is good to have it filled by someone with "Bull" in his name.



26 (57). Green Bay Packers... Jihad Ward, DL

You won't have to worry about Intensity when you draft someone named "Jihad."



27 (58). Pittsburgh Steelers... Karl Joseph, S

They could probably use a CB more, but they have an offense that can win shootouts.



28 (59). Kansas City Chiefs... Su'a Cravens, S/LB

He's a hybrid guy who might have a hybrid first name.



29 (60). New England Patriots... Scooby Wright, LB

White guy, believe it or not...



30 (61). New England Patriots (from Arizona Cardinals)... Hassan Ridgeway, DL

New England blew open a hole on the DL when Dominique Easley Hassan played with Malcolm Brown at Texas.



31 (62). Carolina Panthers... Kendall Fuller, CB

They sort of got their hands tied when they released their best CB.



32 (63). Denver Broncos.. Connor Cook, QB

I already hate him, so this pick seems natural.

Round 3

1 (64). Tennessee Titans... Vonn Bell, S

He should invent a fake first name and use "Vonn Bell" as a last name, sort of like Van Halen.


2 (65). Cleveland Browns... Derrick Henry, RB

If they aren't going to be able to throw it, they may as well prepare to run it a lot.


3 (66). San Diego Chargers... Artie Burns, CB

You never want to have a guy named Burns at CB, but you can probably get away with it in Southern California.


4 (67). Dallas Cowboys... Malcolm Mitchell, WR

They give Dez someone to hang around with.


5 (68). San Francisco 49ers... Shon Coleman, OT

As long as he doesn't retire after a year, he'll do better than some SF draft picks.


6 (69). Jacksonville Jaguars... Xavien Howard, CB

It never hurts for a team like Jacksonville to double up on CB.


7 (70). Baltimore Ravens... LeRaven Clark, OT

That's French for "the Raven." They, or he, should get a hometown discount for that.


8 (71). New York Giants... Keanu Neal, S

You don't have to kneel if you're Keanu, you just bend backwards really slow while the bullets miss you.


9 (72). Chicago Bears... Tyler Boyd, WR

Jay Cutler needs more guys to overthrow.


10 (73). Miami Dolphins... Miles Killebrew, S

He sounds look a good guy to hit a tavern with.


11 (74). Tampa Bay Buccaneers... Braxton Miller, WR

They actually have a couple of good WRs, but V-JAX is gettin' old.


12 (75). Oakland Raiders... TJ Green, S

Oakland gets themselves some Green.


13 (76). Tennessee Titans (from Los Angeles Rams)... Jordan Howard, RB

230 pounds of running-straight-forward.


14 (77). Cleveland Browns (from Philadelphia Eagles, Detroit Lions)... Dak Prescott, QB

How can Cleveland continue to be Cleveland? Hand the ball to some guy named "Dak."


15 (78). New Orleans Saints... Joshua Garnett, OG

He went to Stanford, so all of the Southern players will tease him mercilessly.


16 (79). Philadelphia Eagles... Justin Simmons, S

BC kid.


17 (80). Buffalo Bills... Carl Nassib, DE

He comes from a football family, hes 6'7", and he comes from a football family.


18 (81). Atlanta Falcons... Christian Westerman, OG

Keeping Matty Ice upright long enough to spot Julio Jones greatly increases the chances of success in Hotlanta.


19 (82). Indianapolis Colts... Joe Thuney, OL

I think some linebacker somewhere actually took Andrew Luck's spleen as a keepsake last year.


20 (83). New York Jets... Kyle Fackrell, LB

The Jets get themselves a Brady hunter.


21 (84). Washington Redskins... Charone Peake, WR

He can't catch a cold... but if he does catch one, he runs a 4.37.


22 (85). Houston Texans... Max Tuerk, C

They draft someone to hike it to Brock Osweiler.


23 (86). Minnesota Vikings... Jordan Jenkins, LB

Minnesota stocks up on another guy to eventually replace an older starter.


24 (87). Cincinnati Bengals... DJ White, CB

Pac Man Jones can't play forever.


25 (88). Green Bay Packers... Will Redmond, CB

Green Bay is going all-D so far...


26 (89). Pittsburgh Steelers... Sean Davis, CB

Pittsburgh should have addressed this position earlier, but they I got distracted.


27 (90). Seattle Seahawks... Jerald Hawkins, OT

The fact that Russell Wilson can run around does not mean that he should be running around.


28. Kansas City Chiefs (Forfeited)

Yeah, they lose a late third.


29 (91). New England Patriots...  Kolby Listenbee, WR

4.35 in the 40.


30 (92). Arizona Cardinals... Jack Allen, C

He's a regular Jack of all trades, wocka wocka wocka...


31 (93). Carolina Panthers... Willie Beavers, OT

HAS to be southern. Has to be. I'd be funny if he were somehow a Bronx Jew.


32 (94) Denver Broncos... Willie Henry, DT

A pair of Willie's go one after another.


33 (95). Detroit Lions (Compensatory Selection)... Darrell Greene, OL

Described as "a thick ball of power" in the scouting guide I read.


34 (96). New England Patriots (Compensatory Selection)... Spencer Drango, OL

Not giving a damn what Denver and Seattle do after this pick, we drop the mic and go get Chinese food.

Much love to our host, the Massachusetts Maritime Academy...

Why Not Have An October Date For The Pan Mass Challenge?

Bourne, any given summer day....

I'm about to write an article that I'm sure will be unpopular. It will strike a chord with just a few locals, and many other locals will be against it. Even I feel badly for writing it, but we have to call 'em like we see 'em here in Cranberry County.

The Pan Mass Challenge has to be moved, either physically or chronologically.

The Pan Mass Challenge is bicycle ride that goes across a lot of Massachusetts. Much like the walkathons you did as a kid, bikers (I know "bikers" makes them sound like Hell's Angels, sorry) get sponsors for their trek. The money that they donate goes to The Jimmy Fund, which in turn kicks it towards the Dana-Farber Institute for cancer research. They have made over $400 milly since they started it 35 years or so ago.

The PMC allows people to strike back at a disease that has touched the lives of everyone. In doing so, it encourages a great, energy-saving form of exercise.

What's not to like?

Oh, yeah...

There are several drawbacks to the PMC, some of which involve cars (some with sirens) and others which involve that great hydrogen bomb in the sky, our sun.

We would have to start with the elephant in the room, the traffic. Bourne is where the bridges are, as well as the rotaries, and it is where the worst traffic on Cape Cod is found. Bourne, which is a Division 4 school-sized town, has traffic comparable to central Boston on any weekend day.

It's bad enough that people in Bourne post a traffic waning every weekend morning on Facebook to the effect of "Don't leave your village." If you do, you enter a strange time warp where "a quarter mile drive to the gas station" may become a two hour-long trip where even teetotalers find it necessary to just pull over into the nearest tavern for 8 or 9 drinks.

If you went resident-to-resident and asked them what is the last thing that Bourne needs on an August weekend, the dominant answer would be "more traffic."

The PMC is a huge event, perhaps the largest of her kind in America. It all falls on Bourne, during what should be a peak of the tourist season. It takes roads that were already overtaxed and makes them essentially impassable. And it brings a different, less-spendy type of visitor than we are used to.

Instead of tourists with SUVs full of families who will need to be fed, entertained, gassed, housed and other things that leave money in the town, we get people on bikes who might carbo-load twice a day. They will then- exhausted- check into hotels that would have been booked full anyhow, and sleep away the hours we need them to be power-drinking in our taverns.

Other than families and supporters of the bikers, there is a negligible audience factor. No one is going to cheer on a wheeled walkathon, even one with Tom Brady in it. That's not to say that the PMC people shouldn't be cheered for- even the author of this slam piece feels that they are admirable. It's just that they won't draw a crowd, a crowd that would patronize our businesses. The PMC actually will drive those kind of visitors away.

That's why they used to have the Scallop Festival in September or October, kids... otherwise, it snarls traffic in the town to a crawl.

On top of all the lost commerce the bikers inflict upon us, they also overtax our emergency apparatus. We'll have to put extra cops on to deal with the bikers. Those cops will be waving traffic along, and citizens may have a bit of a wait if we need one for regular cop-like reasons... and that ETA is before we factor them having to weave their way through our gridlock traffic.

Our EMT service will be busier than a paramedic in a town full of weekend warriors heat-stroking themselves on an 85 degree scorcher of a summer day... oh wait, I'm being redundant.

That's why they have the Boston Marathon in April, kids... endurance events start to kill people in the summer months. The only time reasonable people host these events are spring and autumn.

Again, citizens who pay taxes all year for things like "availability of EMT service" may be in for a bit of a surprise to learn that their needs may not be met because all of our EMTs are giving IVs to people who really should have waited for October to take on an endurance event.

Again, like with the cops, any estimates we give on how long it will take an ambulance or- God forbid- a fire truck to get to a Bourne citizen's emergency here are given BEFORE we factor in them crawling through the bumpa-to-bumpa to get to you.

Of course, it's all for a good cause. The PMC makes $40 million a year for cancer research, raising awareness and letting people have fun while helping a good cause. Of course, these benefits can only be gained by having this particular race at this particular time in this particular town. Otherwise, they wouldn't make a red nickel. Anyone who says otherwise is pro-cancer and anti-charity.

Really?

I doubt that the people who presently ride scores of miles and donate millions of dollars would be put off from their efforts if the event were switched to October. There may be a guy somewhere who will only donate to cancer research if people ride bikes in Bourne on an August weekend, but he's probably an ass clown.

There may also be a guy somewhere who was totally unaware of cancer before someone diddled by him on a bicycle. No, check that, no such person exists. The awareness-raising is a myth.

We do have open dorms at the Massachusetts Maritime Academy, just like they do in far greater numbers at Bridgewater State University and UMass-Dartmouth. I probably don't need to add that any college listed there that isn't a Maritime Academy doesn't lay across one of two ways on and off of Cape Cod during a summer weekend. I'm sure that UMass-Amherst, with all of the disposable-income kids away for the summer, could use the influx of visitors that they- unlike Cape Cod- would be incapable of luring in summer months.

I'm no urban engineer or highway scholar, but I do wonder if- on a person per person basis- less people would be put off by making a detour on the Mass Pike and isolating a 20 mile stretch of Irrelevantville for the bikers to pedal back and forth along in perfect safety than by shutting down the two roads that fill and empty Cape Cod.

Cape Cod is the wrong place for this event, at least in August.

Why not move it to October?

Like we said before, they have the Boston Marathon in April because it is too hot for endurance events in the summer. That also applies to the PMC, even before we remind you that the roads on Cape Cod tend to get jammed in the summer.

Just remember that I spoke of the safety of the bikers when I start making jokes about running over 5 of them as I look down to light a smoke. The safety issues for the bikers concern both heat exhaustion (85 degrees and blistering sun forecast for both days of the race, BTW) and exposure to Cape traffic. The PMC is big news in Massachusetts, but I doubt that it even makes the newspapers in Connecticut and New York, where half of our drivers will be coming from this weekend. They will drive very much like people unaware that some fool decided to have a wheeled walkathon along both of Cape Cod's main roads during one of the 10 top traffic days of the year.

Don't give me that "people take their vacations in the summer, and can only do the PMC then" nonsense. It's a weekend event, even Bob Cratchit would be able to get time off for it, especially if he is advertising for Scrooge's company as he does the event. If Ebeneezer demurs on that, Bob can burn a sick day.

In October, those roads won't have anyone but locals on them. There will be numerous hotel rooms available, so the cops won't have to chase stragglers off the Canal benches all night. Temperatures will be in the 60s, delightful weather to go pedal something around. The 200 or so people who can fit into MMA's dorms would be displaced, but they would have hotels offering cut rates to lure them in to what would then-and-not-in-August be unrented rooms. There's really no good reason to have the PMC in August instead of October.

Don't think that saying "They should have this event in October" makes a person pro-cancer. The guy behind the keyboard lost both of his parents to cancer. He also probably has his own dance with the Die Slow coming with a few thousand more Newports. He knows the stakes, perhaps better than you do.

The author is also not a man who dislikes charity. If you really, really hate this article, hang onto the anger until Christmas season, and you can walk right up to him outside the Christmas Tree Shoppe and pop him in the jaw as he stands outside for 10 hours a day raising money for a church charity. He hates charity so much, he had his lips freeze together once working for one.

The author does not confuse "move the event to October" with "the author hates the event." You shouldn't do so, either. He's also not writing this because he dislikes cycling and thinks that adults on bicycles look silly, even though he does feel that way.

That's not a bad resume for an agnostic pro-cancer guy who hates charity.

So, why am I writing this article? If you already know that, move on to the "So, what should we do about it?" question.

The author, doing some tireless charity work with his three nieces...

Bourne and Gettysburg have one thing in common. Both are little Nowheres that all the roads from Somewhere meet at. That leads some Big Fish into the Little Ponds that are normally towns like Gettysburg and Bourne, and it's never good for the town.

To an extent, the towns are set up to handle the influx. Bourne has hotels, gas stations and other amenities that a small town away from an ocean wouldn't have. Of course, "we bring tenants to hotels that already had tenants" is a poor argument for cementing this mess in August.

However, an October PMC would be a boon to the town. You'd have businesses who are just starting to feel the loss of summer dollars get a weekend rush in October. You could have the town really get behind the effort, angling their businesses to provide things to do for the bikers when they are unhorsed. You'd have cops and EMTs who aren't already overworked policing the town available to provide security for the event. Restaurants of the seasonal bent would be able to empty their inventories, hotels would offer cheaper rates, and every tourist trap would get one more chance to snap shut on those ol' summer dollars before the chill of winter set in.

It would benefit the PMC, as well. They'd be the only game in town, with neither Cape League games nor day-tripper traffic too weave through. People who avoid participating in the event because they don't wish to enter the Trafficpocalypse that is Bourne on a summer weekend may come out for the cause. Their riders wouldn't be struck down by high-80s temperatures or angry and confused New York vacationers. They might make MORE money than they already have.

There is no coherent reason that this event should be held now instead of in October. It presently is a drag on the town, an error that is multiplied by the fact that it would be a boon in October. Don't hate the guy who tells you that the emperor is nude.