Join Doug The Quahog For Quahog Day!

Everybody knows Punxsatawney Phil, even if they don't know how to spell it. He's the groundhog from Pennsylvania who comes out of his little hidey-hole and tells you how many weeks of winter we have left.

Not as many people know the equally important Doug the Quahog.

Doug is a Cape Cod quahog who has somehow evolved the ability to:

1) speak to a human

and

2) live eternally

and

3) live comfortably on dry land

and

4) predict beach weather.

He speaks only to Captain Johnny Quahog, who met Doug at a raw bar on Cape Cod. Doug was able to communicate with Johnny, and the effect was such that Johnny assumed a Minuteman persona and serves as Doug's mouthpiece.

Doug premiered on a summer day when the local TV weathergirl called for a rainy weekend, and Doug disagreed in public. One sunny tourist weekend later, Cape Cod had a new mascot.

Doug has ruled the Quahog Day holiday with an iron fist valve ever since, escorted by Capt. Quahog, the Quahog security team (much like a Batman villain, Doug has clam-themed sidekick names, a la "Littleneck," "Razor," "Shuck" and a guy known only as "The Santuit Steamer.") and a bevy of celebrity wommin'.

At varying times, Doug has been tied to various starlets with Cape Cod connections. They say that Taylor Swift bought the Hyannis Port house to be Doug. Lady Gaga impulsively purchased a Nantucket property after a night out with the Mighty Mollusk.  Local songbird Siobhan Magnus dug Doug. Salma Hayek drove out to see Doug while filming Grown-Ups, and  Jessica Biel spent a summer filming on Cape Cod concurrently serving as Doug's Summer Catch. While he never said anything about Jackie Kennedy himself, there was talk around town that he had spent some time with her intimately.

As you can see in the photo below, Doug rocked last summer in the company of teen queen Selena Gomez.

Doug's weather forecasting accuracy shames that of any Amish country rodent. It presently hovers around 103%.

The key is understanding that Doug sometimes has a different definition of "good beach day" than the one vacationers use. This adds a Monkey's Paw element to the forecast.

It isn't easy to do. For instance, one year saw Doug begin to blow forecasts. His accuracy rate plummeted. Scientists were brought in from Woods Hole. They eventually figured out that Doug enjoys tropical storms, and when tropical storms were factored in, Doug's accuracy returned to Infallible levels.

Since then, Doug has also been used to predict tropical storms that will damage Cape Cod. He again went against local forecasters in 1991, and was the only local prognosticator to call the Perfect Storm.

Doug wants the citizenry to know that Quahog Day is tomorrow. You can blow off work from any Cape Cod business without being fired if you are going to Quahog Day. You can skip school without a doctor's note to go to Quahog Day. If your wife or husband won't go to Quahog Day with you, you can take a Mistress or Bull to the event with no legal alimonial restitution owed if they are busted and subsequently divorced.

(from the Cape Cod Chamber Of Commerce)

Kick off Summer 2016 in true Cape Cod fashion at the 8th Annual Quahog Day!

Quahog Day will be celebrated on the First Day of Summer - Monday, June 20th - at the Matakeese Wharf Restaurant overlooking Barnstable Harbor.

The highly anticipated prognostication ceremony will happen just after 2 p.m., when Doug the Quahog (our Cape Cod mascot) once again predicts how many weeks of beach weather lie ahead for the coming summer!

The ceremony will be emceed by NECN Meteorologist Pete Bouchard.

Come witness history in the making! Free and open to all! For more information, visit www.QuahogDay.com.

Quahog Day is brought to you by the Cape Cod Chamber of Commerce!

Taylor Swift In Wareham??

Driving down the Cranberry Highway today, while viewing the normal clutter of signs and billboards, one name caught my eye.

TAYLOR SWIFT

Cartland, an East Wareham amusement park (I'm stretching the term here, it's mini-golf and batting cages) has a sign up today that says "WELCOME TAYLOR SWIFT."

Everyone loves Swiftie, the impossibly cute songbird of kid-pop fame. She is one of the most famous people on the planet. Forbes has her net worth listed in the zillions. What the heck would she be doing in friggin' East Wareham?

I called Cartland. I expected some lame answer, something along the lines of "We're playing Taylor Swift music all day Saturday." What I got was my favorite answer, the one that lets me exercise my skills a bit.

"No comment."

Hmmmm... that leaves a lot to the imagination, no? Here's what I can come up with.

- Taylor is filming a video, and- for artistic reasons- she needs a shabby mini-golf course in a small town.

- Taylor is filming a video at, naturally, Swifts Beach in Wareham. Perhaps she intends to buy the whole of Swifts Beach, it's what I'd do if I were her.

- Taylor took a vow of poverty, and is now shacked up at the Silver Lake Motel with some Cape Verdean dude named Manny.

- Taylor has a place in Rhodey, and made a Rhode Trip into ?ham.

- Taylor, who bought a house in Hyannis Port while she was dating Konnor Kennedy (I may have spelled that wrong), is now in town to sign papers to rid herself of that house.

- Taylor is dating that Kennedy whelp again, and is basing herself in an area where all the roads lead. The Hell's Angels used Bourne for that very reason for several years, and the "all roads lead here" explanation is essentially why Gettysburg was fought where it was fought.

- Taylor, who has a show in Montreal tonight, wanted to play mini-golf in Wareham for reasons that only Taylor Swift knows.

- This paper can neither confirm nor deny the rampant rumors that Taylor Swift was seen having dinner with Duxbury philanthropist Stephen "Hoss" Bowden. Bowden owns property in nearby Buzzards Bay.

- John Henry, who has enough money to date her, has a place in Onset. No, not the steel-drivin' man John Henry, the Red Sox owner John Henry. While we're cherry-picking rich-and-or-cool celebrities, Bob Kraft has a place in Mashpee, Joe Perry lives in Duxbury, Bobby Orr lives in Sandwich, Meghan Trainor lives on Nantucket, Bill Belichick summers on Nantucket, Jay Miller lives in Cataumet, and Ben Affleck is in nearby Boston (and is freshly single). Marky Mark? Matt Damon? Rocky Marciano III? Quint? Crikey, it could be anyone!

- Wareham has been very friendly with the movie industry lately, with Adam Sandler and Steve Carell having filmed movies in a nearby water park.

- Taylor is a Dawson's Creek fan, and is trying to find locations to represent the show's fictional Massachusetts seashore town of "Capeside" for a Dawson's Creek movie. I actually don't know if she acts or not, I'm sort of culturally illiterate.

- Taylor is dating the next A-ROD, who is currently an unknown playing for the Bourne Braves or the Wareham Gatemen. Pop stars have a nose for that kind of thing.

- It's not THAT particular Taylor Swift who is coming to Cartland, as the park instead found someone with that name and is letting them mini-golf for free as a publicity stunt. Cartland is, after all, the home of the Beach Bucket Sundae.

- Swift has a show in Foxboro on July 25th, and is in town doing prep work. She wanted to mini-golf, and her staff was ordered to find mini-golf. Not being locals, they chose a Wareham course instead of something closer to Foxboro.

- South Coast... it's now, it's happening!

Either way.... if you want to see Taylor Swift in person and maybe carry her off in a sack like Borat... you could do a lot worse than to hang around Cartland and see if a limosuine pulls up. Don't say that we didn't warn you.