Showing posts with label cryptozoology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cryptozoology. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Deep Archives: Manny, The Beast Of Onset



Not a lot of people know this, but we saw the Fake News trend coming back in 2011. 

OK, maybe "we" is stretching it, as the true answer is "Walter Brooks of Cape Cod TODAY saw it coming and decided to try out a Murdoch-style News of the World website applied to Cape Cod." He then handed the idea off to his star blogger, who- sadly- also wasn't me. "We," meaning "Stacey Monponsett by herself," thought up the idea of having a sea monster attack the 2011 Cape Verdean Festival.

Me? My job was to produce a picture of the sea monster. My efforts get dismissed pretty quickly in the article, and rightfully so. 

I get the last laugh, though. The site never gained momentum, and was abandoned. I am the first of us to even think of it since, and I'll see if I can make a few bucks off of the story in this new post-truth era of media. 

I should add here that I have been in media before, during and since 2011, and my ability to alter a picture of something normal into a convincing sea monster has not improved one iota.

So, without any further ado... 

Listen, children, and you'll never forget... Manny, the Beast of Onset.


SEA MONSTER DEVOURS 70 IN ONSET

The very foundation of Science was rocked today as a thirty meter sea monster emerged from Onset Bay and attacked the Cape Verdean Festival.

The monster was described by witnesses as looking "like a moron photoshopped a swan," while others said it looked like the famous sea serpent which attacked Cape Ann in 1639. It struck without warning and went straight for the Cape Verdean Festival, where thousands of revelers were enjoying an afternoon of heritage. It was described as over 30 meters long, with a generally Nessie-like appearance. It's head- at the end of a snakelike neck- was higher than the 40 foot high tower on the Inn At Onset Bay.

Ambling ashore, the creature immediately ate a family of 7 European tourists who were playing in the surf. It then attacked and sank an Onset Bay tour boat, which was hosting a fundraiser for the local Tea Party chapter. Tax reform advocates were gobbled like Pez as they swam for the perceived safety of the shore.

Not satisfied, the creature attacked the festival. Heading straight for the linguica stands, it paused only to snatch a few dozen of the slower people as the crowd ran for their lives. The people in the audience with concealed weapons began to fire upon the monster, with little effect.

The arrival of heavier armed police did little to slow the monster's rampage. Even the SWAT team was powerless against the beast. Swallowing a last resident, it jumped back into Onset Bay and swam towards New Bedford.

Experts are at a loss to explain the monster. It is unlike anything known to modern science, and would fit better in a Saint George legend. The Coast Guard and the US Navy were both eluded by the swift-swimming beast. The USS Kardashian had a sonar reading off Falmouth, but it turned out to be a rotund Connecticut tourist who was floating on a raft.

The possibility of a man-eating plesiosaur living off Cape Cod isn't expected to harm the region's tourist industry much. Onset is jammed with sightseers, and locals are selling them numerous t-shirts, bumper stickers, and trinkets modeled on the beast. Charter boats from Bourne to Brewster are booked for years in advance.

Locals have taken to calling the beast "Manny," in honor of Manny Monteiro, a linguica cart owner who tried to defend his business with a machete. He was bisected by the beast, who he swore to fry and consume. Wareham has named the high school sports teams the "Mannies" in his honor. Mark Anthony's Pizza now features a "Mannywich," which is a linguica/peppers/onion sub coated with Monster Blood (tomato sauce). Ben Affleck is rumored to be playing the valiant cartpusher in the movie.

Buzzards Bay has plenty of fish/whales/tourists to support a large colony of Mannysauruses. A Manny may very well be what attacked Provincetown in a 1719 legend, as well as the source of "globsters" like the one in Nantucket. It also explains a lot of whale beachings, and solves the questions associated with a right whale who washed up on Duxbury Beach with a 10 foot bite taken out of it. "The Beast of Onset could easily rape a blue whale if it wanted to," said one eyewitness.

A state of emergency was declared by Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick, and armed units of National Guardsmen are lining the shores of Massachusetts beaches. Machine guns, rocket launchers, and main battle tanks prowl the coastline. All of Cape Cod wonders where- and when- the Beast will strike again.


Posted by Monponsett at Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

The Beast Of Truro


The particular Beast in question was newsworthy enough to make the New York Times in 1981.

One advantage Cape Codders hold when discussing Not Being Killed By A Beast with mainlanders is that we got here first, cleared the forests first, and that the most dangerous thing on Cape Cod for a lot of White Man History was a Bluefish. We had wolves and bears and other scary things at one point, but they were all chased westward into the frontier as European civilization encroached upon Cape Cod.

The other edge we hold is that we chopped Cape Cod off from the mainland in 1914 or so. Anything that wasn't on Cape Cod already wasn't getting on, short of a perilous swim across the Canal or a highly-visible trot across one of the bridges.

Even before then, most of Massachusetts had been cleared for farmland. This eliminated the routes that something like a cougar would use to get some Cape Cod eatin; in.

Cape Cod was also cut off by a stretch of urban territory that lays between Eastern Massachusetts and the more like-nature-used-to-be wilderness of New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine and Canada. Nothing that couldn't slink unnoticed through Worcester or Cambridge was going to be visiting Cape Cod.

This (and our particular climate) saves us a lot of the bears, wolves, cougars, wolverines, giant hogs, Sasquatch and other megafauna that other parts of the country have to deal with. We had it pretty easy.

When former farmland in mainland Massachusetts was abandoned as farming ceased to be America's primary occupation, wilderness crept back into eastern Massachusetts. We were protected by the urban corridor and, later, by the Cape Cod Canal.

Truro is a small town (2000 souls) right now. It was smaller (1500 or so) in 1982. Much like today, the majority (I read 80% somewhere, lost the link) is undeveloped swamp.

There are about 5 reasons to live to Truro....
1) you like beaches,
2) you inherited property there,
3) you're an artist,
4) you dislike living near other people, or
5) you're an artist who loves beaches but dislikes living near people and you inherited property there.
If it exists, Reason #6 would almost certainly be "Nothing ever happens there."

That's why it was so disturbing when a series of animals began to be slaughtered in Truro. At first, it was the local cat population. More than a dozen Meow Machines from the same part of Truro turned up un-living. Then, whatever was responsible started going for bigger prey. The time was about September, 1981.

A hog that weighed 175 pounds was mauled badly enough to warrant euthanasia. The flanks of the hog were grooved with claw marks, and it's throat was mauled. A few days later, another hog pen in Truro suffered an attack by a mystery hunter. In this incident, two hogs were clawed in their pen. People across Truro also reported hearing strange, eerie, cat-like screams.

Experts said that the attacks were the work of either a dog or a pack of dogs. Packs of dogs are not unusual in the countryside, and they roll deep enough to kill deer and livestock. Anything beyond that- even things that we know are here now, like coyote, wildcat, and bear- would have been close to science fiction in the minds of authorities back then.

Hogs don't talk (except in Charlotte's Web), so they make poor witnesses. However, you can tell a lot by the damage that was done to them. You can't tell enough to say anything definitively, however. The wounds to the throat could have been canine, feline, or even ursine. The slashes to the flanks appear to be only feline or ursine.

Big cats, wolves, and bears all will tear out the throat of prey if able to. Cats use their claws to latch on to the animal. Bears will attack by swatting with their powerful paws in an attempt to break the prey's back. Either attack would be consistent with the wounds seen on the hogs.

The problem is that the animals were still alive and not consumed. A bear or a mountain lion would destroy a hog, while smaller animals wouldn't be able to inflict the wounds that the animals suffered. You can imagine the slashed hogs were maybe attacked through fencing somehow, which you'd think a bear would knock down or a lion would leap over.

A cougar's killing bite is applied to the back of the neck, head, or throat and they inflict puncture marks with their claws, usually seen on the sides and underside of the prey, sometimes also shredding the prey as they hold on. Coyotes also typically bite the throat region, but do not inflict the claw marks.

One thing was for sure... it wasn't a pack of dogs. It was something we hadn't seen before around here, at least in our lifetimes.

The mystery got wilder soon after. A local couple, the Medeiros, saw what they described as a mountain lion on Truro's Head Of The Meadow Beach. Other sightings soon followed, including a policeman, an accountant, a noted sculptor, and a school principal. All spoke of a slender, big cat with a long, J-shaped tail. The couple described it as knee high, 60 pounds, and definitely not a fox.

The sightings led to some terror. A cougar is a very bad thing to be attacked by. Several or so Californians a year are mauled/killed/eaten by cougars, also known as Mountain Lions. One of those walking around Truro would be very bad for the locals. Pets, livestock, kids and even adults were at risk. Unless it met an armed man or jumped into the water with a shark, it displaced the Cape Codder as the apex predator on Cape Cod.

The sightings also led to some skepticism. Eastern Cougars, which once roamed all over America, were then (and are still now) the subject of debate. Many experts feel that North America has two sorts of cougars.

One school of thought is that the Eastern Cougar is a subspecies of regular Cougars, while others feel that they're all in the same gang. Many biologists (then and now) believe that the Eastern Cougar is extinct, while others feel that it is making a comeback.

Cougars show up in New England now and then (one was killed by an SUV in Connecticut in 2011), but some and maybe even most officials feel that these are either escaped captives or western cougars who wandered extensively. The cougar killed in Connecticut was actually found somehow to be from South Dakota.

Either way, a cougar in Truro would be amazing. The last confirmed cougar of any sort in Massachusetts was in 1858, before the Civil War. A cougar in the Berkshires would be amazing. One in Truro would almost defy science.

The Beast of Truro, who was also known as the Pamet Puma (the Pamet River, named after the Paomet tribe, lent the Beast his second nickname), was national news for a while in 1982.  An article by the New York Times went viral (pre-Internet), and our Beast was being spoken of in New York, Florida, Maine and probably a bunch of other newspapers that I didn't actually see. Long before she was dishing in the Herald, a then-unknown Gayle Fee was sent to obscure little Truro to seek out the Pamet Puma for the Cape Cod Times. Fee listed a "Bengal tiger" as a possible culprit.

Then, by early 1982, he was seen no more. This led to another mystery. Unlike other monsters like an alligator or an anaconda (which would freeze like a popsicle up here as soon as winter fell), a cougar can survive a Massachusetts winter, especially the milder Cape Cod variety. A cougar would be the apex predator on Cape Cod the instant he arrived, meaning that- unless he went swimming off Chatham- nothing ate him. No one reported hitting one with a car, and no carcass was found. There are more than enough deer on Cape Cod to support a big cat.

With no physical evidence (eyewitness sightings are not considered to be as reliable as tracks and scat, meaning that humans actually know less than sh*t), no definitive analysis could be made. State officials, who always try to be conservative in such cases, say that it was a dog or a pack of dogs.

With 20/20 hindsight, we can read and laugh at officials saying, "Some people even claimed it was a fisher!" Fishers, then thought to be urban legend on Cape Cod, are now accepted as legitimate residents.... just like bears and bobcats were thought to be extinct here until people started getting video.

Maybe he realized he was the only Beast for 300 miles, and the instinct to get laid drove him back to the mainland. Maybe he went for a swim, and a shark ate him. Maybe he was shot by a hunter who then realized that he had just blasted an animal that was thought to be extinct and which probably had a jail term attached to it.

Or maybe, just maybe.... on certain nights when the moon passes too closely, someone on Cape Cod- maybe even someone you know- sprouts fur and claws, and roams the night in search of his next 150 pounds of meat. It sounds funny now, but it wasn't so funny in 1981.

The moors of Truro have been quiet for 30 years now. State officials view the whole thing as the work of a dog pack. The locals who even remember the tale do so with a sense of humor- the Pawmet Puma has been immortalized with a 5K road race, for instance. The Pawmet Puma even has a Twitter account, and seems to be a Dawson's Creek fan.

The local white trash staggering out of the nearby taverns pose a greater threat to Trurorians than cougars do, and probably always have. The last megafauna attack on a human there was from the current villain, a Great White Shark. With a monster like that just offshore, hunting humans... only a fool would worry about a most-likely-mythical Beast of Truro.

Still... anyone who was sentinent and living in Truro in 1982 most likely will never feel 100% at ease on the moors of Pamet, on a dark night when the wind is up and the Hunter's Moon shines.