Betting During The Bye Week

Ahhhhhhh, November...a lovely time of year on Cape Cod.

If you go to the Cape, locals will tell you that just after Columbus Day is the best time to visit. The roads are clear, the restaurants are happy to see you, we get our fall foliage late, and the stores are having sales so the owners can snowbird off to Florida.

The New Yorkers are also gone. That's not a dig on the Rotten Apple, just a reminder that Boston and NY don't play together very well, and a good place to see that illustrated is on any Cape Cod road. One of the few non-war things Boston and NY agree upon is that we are also happy that the Connecticut people are gone.

Note that the "Cape Cod is better in late October" theory isn't based around laying on a beach or seeing girls in thongs. That's actually best done Before Labor Day.

Once November rolls around, however, things start to get Pretty Vacant down here on the sandy spit. Late October through mid April is Storm Season where this Beast is from, and that pretty much rules the roost. There really isn't that much else to do here, other than wager heavily on football.

I used to even bet the high school games, although that generally goes poorly for me in a karma way. My girlfriend wasn't thrilled with me betting on high school games. When my last newspaper column was terminated, the reason for the termination was (something I said in) a high school betting article. The last time a priest yelled at me, it was when I was loudly betting $500 in the bleachers on a field goal attempt at the 2008 Duxbury/Marshfield game on Thanksgiving.

Some things, as they say, are best left to the professionals. With that in mind, let's go through this week's NFL schedule and see what looks wageriffic.

11/9 1:00 ET Dallas -7 Jacksonville
At London 45.5

This game may have already happened, I get confused with English games. I generally don't bet any game that doesn't happen on American soil, although I run more action than I would care to admit through Liberia. Put me in a corner, and I'd take Dallas and the under.

Dallas, 28-16

11/9 1:00 ET At Detroit -2.5 Miami 43.5

There are maybe a thousand Tale Of Two Cities tangents to be made here, but we'll stick to football unless I think of something funny. Detroit is getting Megatron back, and that should be enough to beat the Fish by at least a FG. That will knock Miami back to a pair of games off our tail.

Detroit, 27-17

11/9 1:00 ET Kansas City -1.5 At Buffalo 42

As nice as the recent Pats resurgence has been, it's a bit scary to think that we are one little bump in the road from Buffalo tying us for first place....assuming that they win the game while we're on the bye week, which is this one. Unfortunately, they are Buffalo for a reason.

KC, 17-14

11/9 1:00 ET At New Orleans -5 San Francisco 49

Until Provincetown gets a team, this is sort of the de facto Gay City Super Bowl. Always bet the over in those situations.

49ers, 28-27

11/9 1:00 ET At Baltimore -10 Tennessee 44

I think Tennessee has been bad since we beat them in the playoffs back when Jeff Fisher's beard froze, have drafted only one impact player since, and that guy is now coming off the bench in New York. You really have to EARN those double digit point spreads, especially if you aren't exactly playing the 86 Bears or anything.

Baltimore, 21-10

11/9 1:00 ET Pittsburgh -4 At NY Jets 47

Disclaimer: Raised Catholic. If Big Ben throws 6 TDs again, he'll have a 6-6-6 line over the last three weeks, will become the Anti-Christ, and part of me is wondering if any of his victims is maybe carrying around or- God forbid- nurturing a Demon Seed. If TMZ is still into sports, they should have someone tracking those women.

Pittsburgh, 34-14

11/9 1:00 ET Atlanta -2.5 At Tampa Bay 46.5

The only hillbilly joke I know is too evil to say here, but it ends: "I didn't say i was gon' take you to Florida, I said I was gon' Tampa with you."

Atlanta, 27-10

11/9 4:05 ET Denver -11 At Oakland 50

Boy, would I hate to be the team that plays Denver after that soul-stomping they took in the nor'easter last week.

Denver, 54-14

11/9 4:25 ET At Arizona -6.5 St. Louis 43

I bet that someone in Sam Bradford's group of friends has a quiet bet made as to whether Sam is injured simply watching this game.

Arizona, 10-7

11/9 4:25 ET At Seattle -9 NY Giants 44.5

The Giants are the only NY team that I don't actively hate, and watching them fall apart is almost-but-not-quite payback enough for those Super Bowls. I may require an LT-style legbreaking sack of the Manning whelp, and even then I might only be happy if Chandler Jones does it.

Seattle, 30-10

11/9 8:30 ET At Green Bay -7 Chicago 53.5

It's sad that the State Farm guys raided both Saturday Night Live and Cheers, and the funniest person in any of their commercials is the anonymous girl who is like, "Oh, you're a dancer?" when Aaron complains that someone is stealing his Discount Double Check touchdown dance in their very first commercial of the series.

Green Bay, 35-21

11/10 8:30 ET At Philadelphia -6.5 Carolina 48

Ahhhh.... if there's one thing that can get me through a bye week, it's the prospect of Dirty Sanchize starting a Monday Night Football game against a good defense that has had a week to prepare for him. I could start doing Dabs now, never stop until kickoff, and would still not be high enough to excuse how hard I'll be laughing if he gets the ball hiked off his face, or if he runs into the goalpost like Alan Alda in Paper Lion.

Carolina, 18-17